Top 10 Plagues Not Inflicted on Egypt

Today my evil twin is itching to play. I’m reading the Bible through to the end again this year and I recently finished in Exodus the story of the flight from Egypt and the plagues God inflicted on the people there. Think of the horrors God could have sent to let them know He meant business.

Disclaimer: When a post of mine is filed in “Stuff That’s Funny,” it’s because it gives me a chuckle. Feel free to roll your eyes, groan, or even chuckle with me.

Top Ten Plagues Not Inflicted on Egypt

10. Chariot traffic jams

9. Allergies to henna

8. Granaries filled with jalapeno-flavored Jelly Bellies

7. The scent of kiwi strawberry incense in the streets like a pestilence

6. Rap music day and night in the temples

5. The Nile River is transformed to partially-set grape Jell-O

4. Cat idols coming to life and knocking things off every flat surface

3. Boils. Oh, wait. Well, that was a good plague because boils are pretty nasty.

2. Every other sentence your firstborn says starts with “I want”. (All the other sentences are, naturally, “Why not?”)

And the number one plague not inflicted on Egypt:

1. A pharaoh who talks like the Impressive Clergyman in “The Princess Bride”

For other funny stuff from the Israelites’ journey in the wilderness, see Exodus 32:21-24. When Moses catches them all dancing around a golden calf, Aaron demonstrates a knack for passing the buck.

“So I said to them, ‘Let any who have gold take if off.’ So they gave it to me, and I threw it into the fire, and out came this calf.”

Yep, just like magic, it leaped out of the fire all polished and pretty. That naughty fire. Again, feel free to roll your eyes, groan, or chuckle along with me. But I didn’t make that one up. Aaron said that in front of God and everybody.

Oh my goodness, I do love reading God’s Word. And honestly, folks, I take God and my faith seriously, but I don’t take myself too seriously. Truth be told, I’m just like Aaron.

Be a blessing to someone today.

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